Hey guys! Guess what? My family just grew EVEN LARGER!
Well, you probably could have guessed that from the title...
Still! I have just discovered via my Facebook account that who I had previously considered a close friend to the family is actually my father's sister!!!
How did I not know, you ask? I'm not sure myself... Either I'm really that freakin oblivious, or my family is really that secretive. Choose whichever one you like, cause I certainly don't know...
Her name is Clare. She's the youngest of my aunts and uncles and is a fan of old-fashioned books. (Like, the kind of the books you're forced to read in high school that make no sense to ANYONE. Well, except her and my Mama... They must be some sort of super-genius hybrids...)
As happy as I am to discover she's actually related to me, I also can't help but think that's just what my family needs... Another member... (At least it wasn't Ma that gained ANOTHER sibling, right?)
Oh! also! Something else humiliating happened today! Someone mistook me for a bear.
A BEAR?!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? I NEARLY LOST MY MIND!!! I HATE BEARS!!! THEY'RE SO VISCIOUS AND MEAN AND THEY STEAL HONEY! NOBODY IS GOOD THAT STEALS HONEY, I SAY!!!
*straightens tie* Sorry... I just had to let that out...
But do any of you think I resemble a BEAR?!? Ugh...
Well, I'd better get going.
Signing off,
You're truly,
Baconbits
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
High School For a Pig
Hey, everyone!
Well, something new has happened, guys! Ma started high school! (Ok. I know what you were thinking. "WHAT?!? PREGNANT AT 13?!? WHAT AN IRRESPONSIBLE GIRL!!!" And, well, frankly... I can't argue with you on that one... If I am biological and all... Some people think I'm adopted... I hope I'm not... That'd be sad...) So, anyway, she's having a lot of fun with it! There's something I should probably tell you, though... She's managed to find a way to sneak me in...
You know what that means, right? I'm the first pig EVER to get an education! Isn't that awesome?!? It's especially cool because I don't even have to do any of the work! Ma takes care of it all!
...Ok... So, MAYBE that negates the whole learning part of it... But it's hard for me to move when everyone is there just looking at me! I can't take the pressure... That's why I always lock the door when I'm writing these... Cause, if anyone walks in, I tense up and can't move!
But I think this is still an accomplishment. Don't you? A pig in public school... I ought to be on the news!
Oh. I don't think I've mentioned yet. But the school is the Broadripple Magnet School for the Arts and Humanities... Otherwise known as BRMSA!!! (The joke doesn't translate well to writing... But you're supposed to try and say it all together like it's one word...) Ma, of course, is in the theatre magnet.
Me? Well, since I'm not technically registered, I don't really have a magnet... But, if I were to have one, it would probably be in the humanities. You know, I'm sure I could get information from there to help with one of my ideal career choices.
Have I told you what those were? Well, I'd really like to be innvloved in politics. Either a lawyer or the President. If I couldn't be one of those, I'd love to be a journalist!
But, of course, the president would be my favorite... Could you imagine? A pig for president? Talk about the ultimate animal equality! That's the American dream... (Well, it is for those of us with fur or hooves or fins or wings...)
So, that concludes things for today! I'd say please join me next week, but I honestly have no clue when I'd post something new... Sorry... I'm a fairly spontaneous bag...
Signing off,
Yours Truly,
Baconbits
Well, something new has happened, guys! Ma started high school! (Ok. I know what you were thinking. "WHAT?!? PREGNANT AT 13?!? WHAT AN IRRESPONSIBLE GIRL!!!" And, well, frankly... I can't argue with you on that one... If I am biological and all... Some people think I'm adopted... I hope I'm not... That'd be sad...) So, anyway, she's having a lot of fun with it! There's something I should probably tell you, though... She's managed to find a way to sneak me in...
You know what that means, right? I'm the first pig EVER to get an education! Isn't that awesome?!? It's especially cool because I don't even have to do any of the work! Ma takes care of it all!
...Ok... So, MAYBE that negates the whole learning part of it... But it's hard for me to move when everyone is there just looking at me! I can't take the pressure... That's why I always lock the door when I'm writing these... Cause, if anyone walks in, I tense up and can't move!
But I think this is still an accomplishment. Don't you? A pig in public school... I ought to be on the news!
Oh. I don't think I've mentioned yet. But the school is the Broadripple Magnet School for the Arts and Humanities... Otherwise known as BRMSA!!! (The joke doesn't translate well to writing... But you're supposed to try and say it all together like it's one word...) Ma, of course, is in the theatre magnet.
Me? Well, since I'm not technically registered, I don't really have a magnet... But, if I were to have one, it would probably be in the humanities. You know, I'm sure I could get information from there to help with one of my ideal career choices.
Have I told you what those were? Well, I'd really like to be innvloved in politics. Either a lawyer or the President. If I couldn't be one of those, I'd love to be a journalist!
But, of course, the president would be my favorite... Could you imagine? A pig for president? Talk about the ultimate animal equality! That's the American dream... (Well, it is for those of us with fur or hooves or fins or wings...)
So, that concludes things for today! I'd say please join me next week, but I honestly have no clue when I'd post something new... Sorry... I'm a fairly spontaneous bag...
Signing off,
Yours Truly,
Baconbits
Thursday, August 12, 2010
#2 Inter-Species Marriage (And a brief paragraph on Pa)
Hey howdy hey, everyone!
Well, for those of you who saw in the comment of the last post (meaning the first post... It's weird that that's actually the same thing... Although, I guess now this is the last post. Seeing as how now that you're able to read it, this is technically the lastest post up... Wow. I'm good at boggling my mind... But now this is a major interuption to my sentence... I'm going to start it over so you don't get confused. Because I know how much energy it takes to go back up and read what I started to say before this paranthesis madness!) Well, for those of you who saw in the comment of the last (first) post, Pa made this big spiel about how I didn't "menchen" (Yes. He spelled it like that. My wife flipped out a little.) him. So, now I have to talk about him... *sigh*
Alright, he's 11 months and 21 days younger than ma. He's a percussionist and really likes violent video games. (Me? I prefer Pokemon. There, the worst thing that could happen to a person is "whiting out" and being sent to the Pokemon center. Of course, I can't play [I have no fingers or apposable thumbs to speak of], so I really mean that I just watch Ma play Pokemon... Don't judge me...) Pa likes what AA accurately refers to as "Emo-Screamo" music. Again, I don't share his preferences. You wouldn't believe we're related. Except for that Ma says the two of us look alike. Ha. Pa wishes.
Anyway, now that I got dad out of the way, I'm going to discuss a very important issue. Inter-spieces marriage. Along with Afganistan, abortion, and fedral funding, inter-speices marriage has been, and still is, one of the most heated topics debated between Republicans and Democrats. And I know I may lose some of my Republican readers after I say this, but I think it should be legalized.
Ok. Most of you probably weren't surprised (I mean, I am married to a human), but let me tell you a story to try and persuade you away from any predjudice you might have.
I once had a friend... (Who shall remain NAMELESS... But, let's just call him Billy-Bob) Billy-Bob was a human married to a human (A classic error among your breed... But I'll get to that later...). Now, early on, they, of course, realized the other had faults. But, they learned to over-look them. Or, at least that's most most of you think you do. What you really do is bottle every little grievence up until it finally explodes and every little thing about that person makes your skin crawl. But, Billy-Bob and his wife (Let's call her Betty-Bill), lasted longer than was normal. You see, Billy-Bob had a dog that he talked to about these things. (What helped Betty-Bill, you ask? Well, I'm sure you're all aware of a woman's higher natural level of patience they are forced to develop to deal with us feeble men... She called on that other-worldly power.) Anyway, on a day when they both were feeling rather crabby with each other, Billy-Bob realized he had more in common with his dog than his wife. Slowly, he started falling in love with her. Betty-Bill didn't know this, though, when she asked him to file for a divorce (Because even women's powers run out eventually). One week after that, Billy-Bob proposed to that dog (After all, what man doesn't want to marry his best friend?). It's now years later (twice as long as the relationship of Billy-Bob and Betty-Bill), and they are still not married. Because, for some unjustful reason, it's still illegal wherever they live. And I think that's wrong.
You see, not only is it unconstitutional to ban who you're allowed to want to spend the rest of your life with, but it's just impractical to make that restriction. You see, chances are, all of you would be much happier with an animal. You want to know the reason? You're not afraid to talk to us. You don't bottle things up around us. You need us for a healthy relationship.
But, maybe I should give the other side's argument... Most refer back to a little story called Adam and Eve. You all know the basic premise, I'm sure. And in the way you heard, I bet they said that God made them to mate with each other. But let me clue you in on a little secret. The whole place was filled with animals! God did this to give them choices! And, when Eve realized this, she accidentily picked the only bad animal on the island, that darned serpent. And that has ruined it for you humans ever since. You think we're all as evil as that. Now, of course, women were held as inferior for a thousand-some years because of this same story. But how long will it take for us animals to be forgiven for the mistake of one? I mean, give us a chance, people!!!
Now. I'm not saying all of you have to go out and date a cat (Although, for some, it might be in your best interest), but you shouldn't stop others from pursuing the ones they love. And remember, just because you support animal lovers rights doesn't neccassarily make you, yourself an animal lover. Imagine if you couldn't be with the person you love for some insignificant difference, and you'll understand how we feel. Think about that.
If you agree with my views, then spread the word! Show your support for inter-species marriages! Make buttons! Make T-shirts! Just talk to your friends about it! Anything you can do! Because, you know, us animals, quite literally, can't speak for ourselves...
With that thought, I will conclude my post. Some may have remembered that I promised I would post weekly. Now, some of you may have also noticed that a week has not passed since the last (first) one. That's just because it's so much fun for me to actually communicate with people! (Cause I can't physically talk. I only type with my hooves.) And I hope it's as much fun for the rest of you to hear from me. (Of course, it's not hearing. It's seeing. But I put hearing because I'm sure a lot of you actually see me quite often. So, if I put it down accurately, it wouldn't be nearly as interesting... Wow... I'm officially the king of long parenthesis talk... I'm sorry...) So, until next time!
Signing off,
Yours Truly,
Baconbits
Well, for those of you who saw in the comment of the last post (meaning the first post... It's weird that that's actually the same thing... Although, I guess now this is the last post. Seeing as how now that you're able to read it, this is technically the lastest post up... Wow. I'm good at boggling my mind... But now this is a major interuption to my sentence... I'm going to start it over so you don't get confused. Because I know how much energy it takes to go back up and read what I started to say before this paranthesis madness!) Well, for those of you who saw in the comment of the last (first) post, Pa made this big spiel about how I didn't "menchen" (Yes. He spelled it like that. My wife flipped out a little.) him. So, now I have to talk about him... *sigh*
Alright, he's 11 months and 21 days younger than ma. He's a percussionist and really likes violent video games. (Me? I prefer Pokemon. There, the worst thing that could happen to a person is "whiting out" and being sent to the Pokemon center. Of course, I can't play [I have no fingers or apposable thumbs to speak of], so I really mean that I just watch Ma play Pokemon... Don't judge me...) Pa likes what AA accurately refers to as "Emo-Screamo" music. Again, I don't share his preferences. You wouldn't believe we're related. Except for that Ma says the two of us look alike. Ha. Pa wishes.
Anyway, now that I got dad out of the way, I'm going to discuss a very important issue. Inter-spieces marriage. Along with Afganistan, abortion, and fedral funding, inter-speices marriage has been, and still is, one of the most heated topics debated between Republicans and Democrats. And I know I may lose some of my Republican readers after I say this, but I think it should be legalized.
Ok. Most of you probably weren't surprised (I mean, I am married to a human), but let me tell you a story to try and persuade you away from any predjudice you might have.
I once had a friend... (Who shall remain NAMELESS... But, let's just call him Billy-Bob) Billy-Bob was a human married to a human (A classic error among your breed... But I'll get to that later...). Now, early on, they, of course, realized the other had faults. But, they learned to over-look them. Or, at least that's most most of you think you do. What you really do is bottle every little grievence up until it finally explodes and every little thing about that person makes your skin crawl. But, Billy-Bob and his wife (Let's call her Betty-Bill), lasted longer than was normal. You see, Billy-Bob had a dog that he talked to about these things. (What helped Betty-Bill, you ask? Well, I'm sure you're all aware of a woman's higher natural level of patience they are forced to develop to deal with us feeble men... She called on that other-worldly power.) Anyway, on a day when they both were feeling rather crabby with each other, Billy-Bob realized he had more in common with his dog than his wife. Slowly, he started falling in love with her. Betty-Bill didn't know this, though, when she asked him to file for a divorce (Because even women's powers run out eventually). One week after that, Billy-Bob proposed to that dog (After all, what man doesn't want to marry his best friend?). It's now years later (twice as long as the relationship of Billy-Bob and Betty-Bill), and they are still not married. Because, for some unjustful reason, it's still illegal wherever they live. And I think that's wrong.
You see, not only is it unconstitutional to ban who you're allowed to want to spend the rest of your life with, but it's just impractical to make that restriction. You see, chances are, all of you would be much happier with an animal. You want to know the reason? You're not afraid to talk to us. You don't bottle things up around us. You need us for a healthy relationship.
But, maybe I should give the other side's argument... Most refer back to a little story called Adam and Eve. You all know the basic premise, I'm sure. And in the way you heard, I bet they said that God made them to mate with each other. But let me clue you in on a little secret. The whole place was filled with animals! God did this to give them choices! And, when Eve realized this, she accidentily picked the only bad animal on the island, that darned serpent. And that has ruined it for you humans ever since. You think we're all as evil as that. Now, of course, women were held as inferior for a thousand-some years because of this same story. But how long will it take for us animals to be forgiven for the mistake of one? I mean, give us a chance, people!!!
Now. I'm not saying all of you have to go out and date a cat (Although, for some, it might be in your best interest), but you shouldn't stop others from pursuing the ones they love. And remember, just because you support animal lovers rights doesn't neccassarily make you, yourself an animal lover. Imagine if you couldn't be with the person you love for some insignificant difference, and you'll understand how we feel. Think about that.
If you agree with my views, then spread the word! Show your support for inter-species marriages! Make buttons! Make T-shirts! Just talk to your friends about it! Anything you can do! Because, you know, us animals, quite literally, can't speak for ourselves...
With that thought, I will conclude my post. Some may have remembered that I promised I would post weekly. Now, some of you may have also noticed that a week has not passed since the last (first) one. That's just because it's so much fun for me to actually communicate with people! (Cause I can't physically talk. I only type with my hooves.) And I hope it's as much fun for the rest of you to hear from me. (Of course, it's not hearing. It's seeing. But I put hearing because I'm sure a lot of you actually see me quite often. So, if I put it down accurately, it wouldn't be nearly as interesting... Wow... I'm officially the king of long parenthesis talk... I'm sorry...) So, until next time!
Signing off,
Yours Truly,
Baconbits
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Post #1: the Basics
Hello every friend foe or weirdo who would want to read up on the perspective of me, a pig-bag (And I say weirdo in the most endearing of fashions). First off, you should know that I will most likely add a new post weekly. You know, unless something marvelous happens that I simply can't possibly wait to post. This could be a great many things including piglet births, marriage (ANY marriage... But You'll hear more on my stand for inter-species marriage later...), or something along those lines. Of course, it could be something not as great as the things mentioned before. Namely, a butcher moving accross the street...
Next is a long series of aunts/uncles. I'll list each and give a mini-bio on them.
Ruthie: Surprised? She's actually ma's sister. But, we love each other. And after a talk with Ma (A LONG talk...), she finally gave her consent :) What this means is the family tree gets a little messy from here on out... (You see, now my aunts and Ma are also my sisters-in-law. And my uncles and Pa are also my brothers-in-law. And, likewise, my grandparents become mothers/fathers-in-law and my siblings are, legally, my nieces... Don't try to think about it too much... It put me in a daze that lasted a week.)
Christina: She's a sister on my mother's side. She acts just like Ma does and actually had my Great-Aunt as an English teacher. She's one of the few people that actually enjoys one of Ma's spine-crushing hugs (Me, having no spine, don't really mind the hugs either... But I think that makes for a total of two on this planet that can stand them...)
Quentin: Another actor (You'll find my family is full of them...). Brother of Ma. He likes anime/manga. I personally, never really got into it, but a large portion of my family is. (For those of you who aren't even sure how to pronounce Anime or Manga, it's not as fancy/weird as it seems. Manga is just Japanese comic strips and Anime is just the Manga put to cartoon... I think...)
Allison: Sister of Ma, She is a wonderful artist that will be an architect (Ok, I feel terrible, but everytime I hear that word I can't help but think of George Costanza...). Aunt Allison has many nicknames from Ma. It's kinda hard to keep track of them all, but I think the list is something like... Alluminum, Fire Rat, Taurus, Bunny, and, my personal favorite, Piglet. So, I may refer to her with any or all of those names to see if you get confused. Something else I should probably mention, she's a tad abusive toward me (If a tad means horribly and maliciously, then yes. Just a tad.)
Frank: Brother of Ma's. He used to be a gymnastics star (at 7) But, nowadays, he tap dances and does Ballet at Linda Kelso's Dance Studio. He has long flowing locks of angel hair, something I'm quite envious of. Because, of course, being a pig, I'm bald. Uncle Frank is a big fan of Star Wars and ninja weapons.
Kelsie: Last of ma's siblings (I know you were dying for this Ma's side madness to end, well, friends, we're almost there!) Aunt Kelsie's the oldest. She likes theatre, but from a mainly back-stage stand-point. Don't get me wrong, she likes to act as much as any of her siblings (Minus Piglet), but she's primarily interested in Stage-Management.
Anna: The only sister of Pa's. (Crazy, right? Did anyone keep track of how many siblings Ma had? I'm sure the difference is insane...) Aunt Anna (Or AA as I sometimes call her) is a flutist. Is that the word? I don't really know. But all I meant is that she plays the flute. She also speaks German, which is pretty cool. I hate to brag, but I actually speak three languages. English, pig-latin, and Swinese.
Signing off,
ANYWAY. The first two people I'll probably mention most are Ma and my wife (No offense, Pa). My mother's name is Katherine. She's a die hard Muppet's fan (And when I say that, please don't think about Bruce Willis shouting unmentionable things at the Muppets... I just did and it;s very dis-heartening...). And she's constantly carrying me around places with her. I assume it's out of love, although I keep getting the sneaking suspicion she's just using me as a purse... My wife is named Ruthie. Both Ruthie and Ma are interested in Theatre, but for different reasons. Ma wants to be an Actress/writer, while Ruthie would like to share her passion for everything she's learned through drama teaching... *sigh* It's a wonderful wife... (Some younger viewers might not understand my word play. My advice to you. WHAT ARE YOU, INSANE? HOW HAVE YOU NOT SEEN IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE?!? ... Sorry... I really shouldn't yell... I probably just scared some people off over a Christmas movie...)
Next is a long series of aunts/uncles. I'll list each and give a mini-bio on them.
Ruthie: Surprised? She's actually ma's sister. But, we love each other. And after a talk with Ma (A LONG talk...), she finally gave her consent :) What this means is the family tree gets a little messy from here on out... (You see, now my aunts and Ma are also my sisters-in-law. And my uncles and Pa are also my brothers-in-law. And, likewise, my grandparents become mothers/fathers-in-law and my siblings are, legally, my nieces... Don't try to think about it too much... It put me in a daze that lasted a week.)
Christina: She's a sister on my mother's side. She acts just like Ma does and actually had my Great-Aunt as an English teacher. She's one of the few people that actually enjoys one of Ma's spine-crushing hugs (Me, having no spine, don't really mind the hugs either... But I think that makes for a total of two on this planet that can stand them...)
Quentin: Another actor (You'll find my family is full of them...). Brother of Ma. He likes anime/manga. I personally, never really got into it, but a large portion of my family is. (For those of you who aren't even sure how to pronounce Anime or Manga, it's not as fancy/weird as it seems. Manga is just Japanese comic strips and Anime is just the Manga put to cartoon... I think...)
Allison: Sister of Ma, She is a wonderful artist that will be an architect (Ok, I feel terrible, but everytime I hear that word I can't help but think of George Costanza...). Aunt Allison has many nicknames from Ma. It's kinda hard to keep track of them all, but I think the list is something like... Alluminum, Fire Rat, Taurus, Bunny, and, my personal favorite, Piglet. So, I may refer to her with any or all of those names to see if you get confused. Something else I should probably mention, she's a tad abusive toward me (If a tad means horribly and maliciously, then yes. Just a tad.)
Frank: Brother of Ma's. He used to be a gymnastics star (at 7) But, nowadays, he tap dances and does Ballet at Linda Kelso's Dance Studio. He has long flowing locks of angel hair, something I'm quite envious of. Because, of course, being a pig, I'm bald. Uncle Frank is a big fan of Star Wars and ninja weapons.
Kelsie: Last of ma's siblings (I know you were dying for this Ma's side madness to end, well, friends, we're almost there!) Aunt Kelsie's the oldest. She likes theatre, but from a mainly back-stage stand-point. Don't get me wrong, she likes to act as much as any of her siblings (Minus Piglet), but she's primarily interested in Stage-Management.
Anna: The only sister of Pa's. (Crazy, right? Did anyone keep track of how many siblings Ma had? I'm sure the difference is insane...) Aunt Anna (Or AA as I sometimes call her) is a flutist. Is that the word? I don't really know. But all I meant is that she plays the flute. She also speaks German, which is pretty cool. I hate to brag, but I actually speak three languages. English, pig-latin, and Swinese.
 |
| Me and my little sis, Henrietta |
Also, I have two siblings. Izzy is the oldest of them at 14. She's the only one of us that's human. But, it's ok. We love her anyway.
Henrietta is the youngest and she's a little baby still... She's so cute! I'll have to show you guys pictures sometime! (Which would be now, I guess... Since I just added her picture on this post...)
So, for those of you who are still reading and didn't get bored, I LOVE YOU! And I realize this was kind of a dumb post if you aren't one of the people mentioned, but this is information that I prmise will be very important. I mean, if I didn't post this, and I said something like "I went on a trip with Piglet and AA", you would all probably have an image of me strolling along with a Winnie-The-Pooh character and a battery. Now you all would recognize it as a pleasant stroll with my aunts. Well, as pleasant as it can get with someone as abusive as aunt Allison... Anyway, I promise my next post will be more interesting! Please come back next week! Please!
Signing off,
Yours Truly,
Baconbits
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