Friday, September 24, 2010

#7 Lulu

'Ello!

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you guys... But don't worry! I'm going to tell everyone (both animal rights supporters and... otherwise...) about a wonderful little story I heard (A story that might persuade you ... otherwise... people to join the side of animal rights).

It starts like this. Once upon a time, (Well, more like a couple years ago) in a faraway castle, (Actually a large city) An elderly woman (whose name I can't currently recall) had a pet that was a pig (A classy animal, if I do say so myself). Her name was Lulu (That is, her pig's name was Lulu... I really need to stop putting parenthesis after every sentence...). But this lady didn't just have Lulu, she also had a critical heart condition.

So, one day, it might not surprise you, that this lady had a heart-attack and couldn't get herself up off the floor. Her dear companion and friend, Lulu, stood by her side faithfully, waiting for her to get better. After about twenty minutes of realizing that pure love, unfortunately, doesn't cure everything, little Lulu made her way out of the apartment and into the busy street to seek help.

The poor thing didn't even know a human language (like I do, obviously) and for a moment stood in silence, desperately trying to formulate a plan to rescue her dying companion (You will never hear me call one of you humans a master, by the way. That is pure animal-ism that makes you humans think you deserve that title in the first place! So, no. I refuse).

Suddenly the answer came to Lulu. She turned on her back and kicked her hooves up in the air, right on the sidewalk. Pretty soon, a man worried for both Lulu's mental and physical well-being took pity on the seemingly confused creature and stopped.

"Uh..." Said the man, "You ok, Piggy?"

Lulu, seeing that she had the man's attention, jolted up and entered the building again. The man followed, assuming the pig he found had no clue where she was going. That was until Lulu, clever little pig, led the man straight to her companions apartment. There, the man saw Lulu's companion needed medical attention STAT (Little hospital lingo doctors and nurses use. It basically means "ASAP, or Right now!, or Immediately unless you're really ok with this person DYING!!!)

So, as you can see, Lulu is a hero. A hero that's a pig...

"Oh. But this story can't possibly be true," you say, "Pigs aren't that smart."

Well, FALSE. a) This IS 100% true and b) Your average pig is actually about as smart as dolphins. (That is, of course, excluding super-genius pigs, like myself)

And on that note, I end this post. Farewell!

Siging off,
Yours Truly,
Baconbits

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